Mic check 123… Is this thing on?
Oh, it’s on. We’re back. And it’s time for something new for Think Tank of Three. Get ready, our brand new chapter starts now with our exciting new co-host!
Audrea Fink: Mic check 123… Is this thing on?
Julie Holton: Oh, it’s on. We’re back. And it’s time for something new for Think Tank of Three.
Reischea Canidate: Get ready, our brand new chapter starts now.
JH: Welcome to our brand new season of Think Tank of three with a brand new third!
AF: After months of searching and planning, we are so excited to do this. I’m Audrea Fink here with Julie Holton, long time Think Tank of Three hosts introducing for the first time, our third host!
RC: What is happening? I’m Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris and I am thrilled to be adding a new dimension to Think Tank of Three. We believe in the power of three — go all the way back to episode one with these wonderful ladies to find out why.
AF: So why the power of three? Why did we need a third? We needed a third because your brain loves threes. If you look at some of the data, and again, go back to our first podcast, we talked all about this.
But if you look at the data, if you provide evidence and that evidence has one or two pieces, your brain thinks it’s not substantial enough. If you add four to five pieces of evidence your brain thinks too much. This is too much for me to handle.
AF: Totally. With three your brain is like, “Oh. Ok, that makes sense.” On top of that, we looked at our Think Tank of Three and we thought, while Julie and I love each other and this podcast has been our baby for so long, we were missing that third voice. We were missing someone to give us a different perspective outside of ourselves, we were missing something that gave us that extra piece of credibility and so we really wanted to add that. That is our reasoning for Reischea. We think you will love her as much as we do.
JH: Absolutely. We are so excited, Reischea, to have you in our trio! You know this is something that Audrea and I have talked about for a long time. We didn’t take it lightly just because we wanted a third person. We wanted to really take our time. In the last six months, our third has been our audience. You have been what has held us together to push through. But we really wanted, with this third person, is someone that, of course, compliments us so we’re all in alignment with our goals for what we want out of this podcast. But we also wanted someone that adds depth. We’re looking for partners in life. We want a partner that really pushes us to be better and challenges us and brings a new way of thinking into the mix as well.
We looked at a variety of things including diversity of background, diversity of who we are, and what we bring to Think Tank. Reischea, we are so excited to have you onboard officially!
RC: I’m excited to be here. This is really special for me. Like you guys have said, these conversations have been going on for a while and I was looking for a vehicle for myself to expand my mind and to move in a different direction, and especially with the change of my own life and career and this kind of fell into my lap as that vehicle of ”oh my goodness this is what I’m looking for.” It’s very exciting to be a part of this adventure with the two of you.
And first of all, just thank you both for having this platform in the first place because I think it is a vital platform. We need as much female encouragement for females as possible. We need to be able to support one another and lift one another up and stop tearing one another down. Listen, let’s face it, women. We can get catty like anybody.
You know, the claws come out and you think that… because we have been taught that fighter mentality is how you get ahead and to a degree, there’s something to be said about that. But there’s another way to use that fight. There’s another way to channel that fight and that’s through encouragement, as opposed to the constant battle to tear another person down and you always work better together than apart.
AF: I just got goosebumps. Like, I mean we’ve already decided that you had to be our third. You were the perfect person. And that right there, like my whole skin’s tingling. I love it. I love that you’re here. I love that you’re ours. I love that we are all one down together.
JH: So let’s peel back the layers, a little bit here because we know all about Reischea. Well, I shouldn’t say we know all about Reischea. We know a lot about each other and you know our careers, our lives, our passions for this podcast are all in alignment with the three of us. But we also all bring something different to the mix. So today, we’re going to peel back the layers, a little bit and we’re going to talk about who we are.
For Audrea and me, it’s a bit of a reset. You know, it’s been a couple of years since we started the podcast. And for Reischea this is all brand new. So I want to start with you, RC. Tell us about your career story. In a nutshell, where do you come from? Where are you going? Who are you as the career woman?
RC: Well, starting from where I was. So I come from a broadcasting background. I was a sports broadcaster for, gosh, like 17 or so years. I started in my hometown of Fresno, California.
That took me to San Diego. Then eventually to New York and to my ultimate dream job when I wrote down my career goals, way, way back in the beginning, ESPN.
And then after getting to ESPN where you’re at the epitome, you’re at the Taj Mahal of sports. Things kind of changed for me a little bit. The love of sports wasn’t as prolific within me anymore and I could feel even there, that there was something inside of me that I wanted to explore. Still wanted to explore the broadcast field but wasn’t feeling that I was in the place to do it, or at least I didn’t understand how to do it from that vantage point.
Eventually, I was there for four years and then in my final year, they decided not to renew my contract. I was crushed. But I also felt like, I’ll be fine. Maybe in about six months out, something else is going to fall into place and this is that fresh start.
And then that didn’t happen. And that was really hard because I think for a very long time, I defined myself through my career, which people often do. And all of a sudden, I’m being told in no uncertain terms, we don’t want you. You’re not good enough. You don’t fit what we’re looking for anymore and I had not experienced that.
I basically spent a lot of time kind of floating, trying to figure out what’s what. I did some on and off work and then my family life also came into play. I had my son at the time and more attention was needed to give to him. He’s ADHD and he tested on to the spectrum and those things kind of came into play. So, all of that came into play. And I had to make some decisions and figure out what I was going to do and who I was going to be. And I was literally figuring all that out at the same time. That’s a lot to try to figure out.
AF: That’s a lot!
JH: And building the airplane while it’s flying. You’re figuring it out while you’re on the go and have all these things coming at you which is so relatable. You know, we get told as little girls that you decide what your career is going to be, and then you make it happen, magically. But life is so different than that and so many factors come into play.
And we do dive into this, all about Reischea’s career and family in another episode. So look for that in our Think Tank of Three playlists, because it’s truly an incredible story and very motivating for women who are in that mid-transition stage for whatever reason.
RC: You know, you just keep going. You just keep going. I had a super supportive husband, which was very important for me to not let me get too low and to recognize,” listen, you need to do what you’re doing.”
You know, and then I decided, okay, let’s maybe, you know, once I try to figure out what I wanted to do my daughter came to be. It’s like, what’s next. Now, what am I going to do? I mean, it’s really time for me to start coming into my own again and figuring out something for me.
RC: I decided I was looking into voiceover work and “podcast” kept coming into my head, especially from my husband, “podcast dear podcast.”
JH: And here you are!
RC: And here I am. You wonderful ladies.
It’s been a phenomenal adventure and journey, a scary adventure and journey. But look at where it landed me to somewhere that I did not anticipate and I’m really excited about where this will go.
JH: And I can relate to you Reischea. When you said, your career for so long defined who you were, I totally relate to that. I spent 12 years working in TV news as an Executive Producer and Producer. I knew even back when I was in college, studying broadcasting, I knew. I was one of those weird kids that knew in fifth grade. I wanted to go into broadcasting, I wanted to go into TV news. I would make my own newscast. And they’re still on video somewhere, hopefully, buried.
And then in college, I realized very quickly that I was kind of bossy, but in a good way. And so I learned how to become a producer. And so very quickly, my career took off and I always knew that I didn’t want to do it forever. I just didn’t know what that next chapter was going to look like. And I probably stayed in news for several years longer than I would have because it was so tied to my identity. I did not know who I was without TV producer or executive producer as a title.
JH: You know, we define so much of who we are by those titles, and then thankfully we kind of grew up and we realized that those titles don’t define us. Our work doesn’t have to define who we are as humans.
That’s where I started my career, I spent 12 years working in TV news. Wouldn’t change anything about it. I absolutely loved it. Those experiences have made me into the person I am today, for sure.
Left that career and started building a career in marketing and after five years as a marketing director at a large law firm in Michigan, I then branched out and started my own agency.
I now have my own marketing agency and my career has taken a totally different path than where I thought it was going to go. But I will say, I’m very careful now about defining myself. Yes, I’m a business owner, that is a part of who I am and it’s not all that I am. And that’s a daily thing. And Audrea, we met when I was working at a law firm. So, thank goodness. I did.
AF: I know. I’m so glad that you did. I’m so glad we met. We met at LMA, so the legal marketing association’s big annual conference. And I was working in legal as well as a vendor for law firms. And it’s funny because I still struggle with defining myself as my career.
I currently work at a very large regional law firm and I love it. The culture there is amazing, and I get to coach, some of the brightest attorneys I’ve ever met on how to do business development. And I’m good at it.
And, you know, Julie, when we started this podcast, what, three years ago, part of the reason we started it was because we felt like we’d finally landed. This is what success looked like to us. And now, three years later, like that’s not what success looks like anymore.
We’ve grown and shifted, but I still when people ask who are you, I say, “Oh, well I worked at a law firm and I help I coach. I do business development” and that’s not who I am. That’s what I do. And I’m passionate about it and I love it. And I think that’s part of why it becomes my story, but every job I’ve ever had has been who I was, at the time, and I think it’s really important that we start carving out part of who I am.
And part of why I think, whatever my title of the time is, is important is because I am a professional woman. I’m a working woman. I am not the person who does not care about their career. I’m very driven and very ambitious in that sense, but the career itself isn’t the important part. The important part is that this is where my drive is. As we look at how you define yourself, or what your career path is, I don’t have a path which has been really hard. I’ve never felt like I could go A to Z. I’m going to be the next CEO of whatever fortune 500 company like I don’t know. If I ever became CEO of a Fortune 500 company, that poor company. But where am I going to go next? I don’t know!
RC: It’s a hard transition to make because we spent so much time throughout our lives talking about getting to that space, that career, that job. Going after that job! You went and you got the education and you got that job.
AF: You landed it!
RC: You landed that job. And now it’s that promotion. And you got that promotion. And it’s hard to get out of that mindset. Because those are tangible when you have those when you make those accomplishments. Let’s face it, it feels good. Good to make those accomplishments
So then when you have the setbacks. You really do have to remember, you get something out of the setbacks too.
AF: Well, I think what’s so important is that you get something out of the whole journey. Those accomplishments, they feel good because they should. Right? You should feel good that you landed that job. You should feel good that you got that promotion, but you should also know that they are just steps along the way. They are part of the path. And the path itself is what is so important.
My current job, while I love it. I’m here for it and it makes me feel good most days. It’s also is just a piece. One day, this won’t be what I do. Because I will either grow out of the role. I will transition to another job. I will transition to another company, whatever. This isn’t permanent and so getting attached to that idea of “This Is Success” is so problematic because success changes. Three years ago, Jules and I were like, “We landed girl. We are here.” But now I’m like, pshhht. Success is somewhere totally different.
JH: Someone gave me such great perspective to look at each day. If this was my last day, how would I feel about how I spend my day? Would I feel good that maybe I worked all day, through the weekend? Or would I feel better at that time was spent as a human? Working in my garden? Being together with family? How is it that we’re spending our time and how should we be defining ourselves? And that just changes perspective, a bit.
AF: So true. I think a lot like who I am, as a human. I think about where I come from.I had a career mom – that was her thing. She was an executive at a large nonprofit. She was there, she was. She was in it for the job. She was well respected and well-liked. She was a working lady and my dad has always been someone who had this really strong work ethic, but he left work at work. So eight to five, at five-o-one, work didn’t exist anymore. It was family that existed.
JH: Wow. Good for him.
AF: Yeah, I can’t figure out how to find that but I’m trying.
AF: I grew up with this idea that I too could work and climb the ladder and I could also have family and have home. And so the idea of balance between the two. It didn’t really exist in my world that you couldn’t just have both.
How that looked might be different but you know I grew up with a really generous loving family who had our issues, you know.
RC: Nonetheless, which family doesn’t, right? Let’s get real it’s part of the definition.
AF: And so when I look at, who I am, who my life is. I am a career woman, but I am also a wife. I am a friend. Oh my goodness, I’m a friend, above all else, I have these relationships that just… like, my poor husband can’t compete with.
JH: You are a great friend, I can attest to that.
AF: Aw, thank you. I’m also a dog mom. Yea! I’m a gardener. I love my garden. I have squash that are to die for right now. And I’m a woman who chose to have a career and chose not to have children. And that looks a little different than maybe someone who chose the same path as me but wants to have kids. I have 14 nephews and nieces of that 6 of them are girls, 8 of them are boys and I care about who they become. And THAT’s the whole story of me not just I work at a law firm. And I’m actually really good at my job.
RC: And in all honesty, with all those nieces and nephews, you have the best job with regards to being a surrogate parent, because you can have all the fun and give them back.
AF: And I do! Being an auntie is. It’s amazing. Yes.
JH: It is the best!
RC: And let’s let it be said out loud, as the mom on this thing, it is perfectly valid and fine to not be an actual mother to a child, be it through adoption, be it through natural, however, a person becomes a parent, if your choice is to take that time and put that into something else. That’s awesome. That’s a valid and awesome decision to make for oneself.
There’s a stigma and it’s interesting because it’s the stigma on both sides. There’s this stigma of “Oh, you took time away from your career to be a parent” or “you walked away from your career to be a parent. I mean, why would you do that?” or,” aren’t you going to take time away from your career to be a parent, you know, why don’t you take time away from your career to be a parent?” Or “why don’t you want to have kids? What’s wrong with you? Can’t you have kids?” And it’s like, you know what every human is different. They’re going to come into their own decisions in their own way and it’s fine.
I’m a mom. Okay. And?
AF: And is so important. You are a mother and you are a wife and you are a woman in the working professional and…
RC: I’m a daughter. I’m a sister, I’m an aunt. I’m a cousin. I’m a professional woman, even when I eventually took that time away it didn’t take away my drive to succeed in my life story. However, that life story looks.
JH: The beauty is in making the choice that is right for you. I love this so much because you both have made those choices that make you who you are and you embrace them. And so often society, one way or the other. It’s like we can’t make the right choice to make other people happy. Well, who cares. It’s about making the right choice for ourselves, for our families, whether that be to have children or not have children.
I mean, when I look at who I am as a human… Audrea, I love how you put that… you know there’s so much about my story that is unwritten yet. And I think that there’s some beauty in that as well. I had declared this year, 2020, to be my year to find love and the pandemic, the universe has spoken in a way that I was expecting because that part is not going so well. Talk about life’s twists and turns.
RC: Unless you’re finding love for yourself!
JH: Amen. And the love of cuddling my dogs. I am a dog mom too. And one of my dogs is aging and I’ve been able to spend so much more quality time with her. And I probably, you know, I’m almost ashamed to say would have let some of that time go by and not even realize and then it would have caught up to me. So yes, there’s been so much beauty in these last few months of not following the path that I had wanted to take.
But you know what, I know that it’s coming. And I know that this is part of the story that is still being written for me. And there’s beauty in that as well. So I am I have learned at this point in my life and I wish I had learned this 20 years ago, but that’s okay. I’m going to enjoy it now. I am learning to embrace what I have right now, who I am right now, no matter what I want to come next in my chapter.
So right now. I am a boss, babe. And I am embracing that because even though we talked about how our careers don’t define us. I have also learned that I really, really, really love what I do. And so if I want to spend an evening or a weekend working on work, I’m going to embrace that and I’m going to do that. So I am a boss, babe. I am an auntie, just like Audrea is. I love my nieces and nephew, they are incredible. I am an oiler who loves natural health and wellness. This is all part of what defines me as a person and not just as a business owner, who is single.
AF: And also not static.
AF: Three years ago, I wouldn’t have called myself a gardener. Two years ago I would have said, Hey, I’m super into roller derby. And I’m not super into roller derby at the moment. And even if I was, I couldn’t do it, because pandemic! These defining stories of us are important and also we need to be able to see them as fluid because life is change.
JH: And we’re allowed to change.
RC: One hundred percent. Listen, loving what you do, that is a blessing in and of itself. Because there are many people out there who are doing what they do because they absolutely need to. Everyone needs to make their living to get their bills paid and we understand that. But when you’re able to do what you do and have a passion for. And you both, you can hear that passion for what you each do separately in your careers. When you are able to do that you are able to give so much more to that and make it so much better and move up in that so much more because of that passion that you have for it. It’s not just a 9 to 5 or 8 to whatever it is, but I love doing this, this is a part of me and that’s a really wonderful thing.
And I think part of me is still actually developing that aspect. I think I was trying to hit my markers so much that it wasn’t really about this is my passion. I enjoyed what I did, don’t get me wrong, I love being a broadcaster. I mean, it was different. It was fun. I got to interview my favorite quarterback ever, Steve Young! I mean, come on!
But I myself, at (bleep, bleep) years old is still developing the other aspects. And there’s a lot more living through my kids to a degree. There’s that seeing things through their eyes that I hadn’t before. So all of that comes into play. All of those things come into play as each woman individually develops into their own self. And I think that that’s the beauty of being a woman. The beauty of being a person is how you change. If you stay constant in your thought and constant in what you do without ever making adjustments you might be a pretty dull individual.
JH: And I love how you’re viewing yourself through your children. Well, you’re viewing the world through your children’s eyes. And also yourself and how they see you and they see your accomplishments.
I look at a lot of what we’re doing with this podcast and as we’re talking about things, I am viewing this through the eyes of my niece’s. Azalea is four years old right now and Ella is nine. And I think about this world that we are creating for them. And what are we teaching our girls, especially? The boys, too but for our purposes, you know we really focus on empowering women. And what are we teaching them? What are we showing them and I’m pretty damn proud of what we are teaching them. We know that we don’t always get it right, we get a lot of things wrong.
But that’s part of the process as well and really showing our young girls that it’s okay if you change careers, a few times. And not only is it okay but that is embraced. That is something that is incredible. Keep following your passions and if your passions change, gosh, let your life change too. It’s okay if you don’t want to be a young mom. It’s okay if you don’t want to be a mom ever. It’s okay if you’re in your whatever years and you’re so hoping to someday become a mom. All of these things, it’s just about embracing who we are and making sure that others around us see that as well.
RC: Well said. So the next question is that passion.
When you guys invited me to join up with this podcast it was one of the first times that I didn’t even think twice. It was an immediate yes. The reason it was an immediate yes was one, as I’ve mentioned before my husband kept talking to me about podcast, podcast, podcast. It’s like you are walking around this house. You have so much to say all the time on everything. You really should start a podcast.
JH: Wait a minute… You?
RC: I’m like, who are you talking about? Step off man!
AF: You have opinions?
RC: I kept saying to him, “Yeah, but I don’t even know where to start with that, and..” Somewhere along my journey, I really picked up a bad habit of finding all the road roadblocks. And he’s never been that person. He’s always the guy that says “There’s always a way. There’s always a way to get there.” He’s like, you can. There’s always a way to get there. There’s always a way to figure it out.
But I was always like, dude, I’m wiped out. I’m dealing with the kids, the house. There’s a reason it looks a hot mess. I had every roadblock you could think of. And then I was like okay, well now the kids, they’re a little older. I mean, she’s four, in preschool, but I was like I’m gaining some time back. Maybe that’s what it was. I just needed some time to think for myself, with them not both underneath me. And that actually did make a difference. Obviously before COVID.
AF: I feel like COVID is the elephant in the room all of the time, these days.
RC: It really is. Exactly. I was able to readjust myself and then with speaking with you guys and then the question was, listen, we love you, (Thank you) and we want you to join the podcast and immediately, I didn’t even think twice and then I told my husband. I said, I’m joining the Think Tank of Three, and he was like “bout time! I mean, I’ve been telling you!”
So my passion for this podcast is that one, it takes something that was a thought and it’s made it real. And making it real, I want to do it good. That’s one of the main things that’s pushing me with regards to this podcast and the platform that it’s presenting for all of us to make ourselves better, to make ourselves more, and here’s the platform to do it. So it’s utterly exciting for me.
AF: It’s also super exciting for us. We love this platform. Julie and I started this three years ago, we actually had an idea for it, what four maybe five years ago?
JH: Yeah, five years ago. It was a total passion project because we started blogging.
AF: We started blogging and we were originally both at jobs where we just knew we weren’t, we were done with them. We weren’t growing anymore. We weren’t happy in them, but we couldn’t quite figure out what was next. And we couldn’t figure out what to do and so we both thought, if we start blogging, then at least our community of legal marketers will see us and maybe we can make a splash there, make an impact there, and get a new job.
And then with no connection whatsoever to the blog – because we were busy and stopped doing it – we both switched careers. Switched the places we were at. And when we landed we both were like, “oh, we love this.” But we work both in legal, the same way, and having something about legal just didn’t… It wasn’t…We weren’t struggling with legal marketing.
We weren’t struggling with marketing, to be fair, we were really struggling with how do we give the things we’ve learned to somebody else? How do we say we got here, through this super windy path that had no clear direction – definitely like where we started, we did not envision where we end – how do we take the things we’ve learned and hand it back? Because we didn’t have mentors. We didn’t have sponsors the way so many people in professional spaces do, specifically men.
We didn’t have that and how do we become that? Beyond just the one or two women in our life where it makes sense for us to do that. So this platform, I think, for me, was so powerful and I’m so passionate about it because I believe that if you don’t have enough seats at the table, you bring more chairs. You bring more women there. You bring more people of color. You bring more people with diverse backgrounds. You bring more. You don’t say there’s only room for one and I’m going to be that one. You don’t say there’s only room for one and I’m gonna help someone else take that one. You come to the table and you say, how many more chairs do we need? Let’s bring those. Sometimes I feel like that’s so idealistic, right?
RC: I love how you put it, though. I really do. I love that. Bring more. It’s not about the one chair. It’s okay. I’m in the one chair. So, can we please bring some more in? Love that.
JH: And, let’s build a bigger table. Let’s put it out on a podcast where everyone in the world can join in and be a part of the conversation because we want to learn from you as well.
AF: So I think for me, this just became a way to give back and also a way to practice and work on the things that I know women struggle with. That I know I struggle with. We’ve talked about imposter syndrome here. There’s not a woman on this podcast that doesn’t struggle with imposter syndrome, from the three hosts to every guest we’ve ever had, including women who were experts on defeating imposter syndrome.
I want it to be a discussion and a place for learning for other women and also for me, I want this to be a thing that I can look back on and say, in a community of amazing women we built something. I was a part of something that hopefully made an impact for someone in a positive way. Hopefully gave them encouragement or let them either bring another seat to the table or gave them the guts to go be the person at the table, who then could bring chairs later.
RC: So awesome.
AF: And your passion shines through Audrea. I think sometimes that is what really keeps this podcast going. One of the things that has happened for us as hosts is that we know that we can lean on each other. And when one has energy, the other might not. And so I’m really looking forward to continuing this dynamic. It’s part of what makes this passion project so much fun for us. We have heard through the years, whether it’s from friends, from strangers who reached out to let us know when a podcast really makes a difference for them.
I know personally, I will go back and relisten to podcasts. There is one that is just on repeat for me and it’s about setting boundaries. There are podcasts that I laugh out loud all over again and just how silly, we were. Others that I really have to relisten to the advice that our guests have given us because it has been so helpful.
AF: sometimes I have to relisten to the advice we give ourselves!
JH: Very true. Absolutely. I know sometimes I’m like, “Wow, that was really good what I just said, I need to listen to myself more often.”
RC: Because that again that relates to that thing, I think that is innate and many women. We are so good sometimes at finding those right words, the things to say to our fellow women in certain situations. But then we struggle with applying that to ourselves. I am training my daughter. I asked her daily, you are? And she finishes the sentence now. She says “I am smart. I am strong. I can do anything.” And I make her say that every single day because one, I need her to understand that, to believe it, to feel it, to know it. And on the other hand, because I think I lost that for a little bit in myself.
And let it be known I have a very strong mother, who instilled in me and my father who instilled in me confidence and ability to go out and do, but because I was tied up with who I am is my career, I lost it. I lost it hard and it really was hard to reestablish that self-confidence. And so I want her to have that now and just develop that so that the career just happens to be the side dish to her entree.
JH: Part of what makes for me personally, why I’m so passionate about this podcast is exactly what you just said Reischea. Not everyone grows up with a mother like yours. Not everyone has the greatest teachers. I love teachers so I’m just using that as an example. It might be a bad situation at a church. It might be a bad situation with neighbors or with neighbors that are bullies. There are so many different things that play into how we develop and how we become who we become and not everyone has that.
And so for me, personally, I see this passion project as a way to empower women, where they are right now. You are who you are when you come to this podcast and you are welcome. You are accepted. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you’ve made in life. It doesn’t matter where you are in your career, whether you’re at the height of your career or the bottom trying to try to figure out what comes next, you are enough as you are right now.
And I know for me, there was a time in my life when from the outside looking in, I had all the success. I had three Emmys. I was at the top of my career. I had everything that you could think that a woman would dream of and I was on a daily basis, reminding myself, actually going through therapy to remember, that I was enough. And I was telling myself over and over and over, you are enough. Someone would come at me with something and I would just have to say, Julie, you are enough, you are enough and eventually, I got strong enough to the point where I heard myself saying you are enough. And I realized, wait a minute, you are more than enough! You are more than enough and you are incredible. And you are amazing and you are strong and you are confident and, you know, all of these things, but I think life just throws us curveballs.
So no matter where you are in your confidence journey, no matter where you are in your life journey, knowing that right now you are enough and that you have a community here that will support you and hold your hand through this. That is one of the most important things I know for me, is having that network having the support in the community. And so we said this very early on in one of our podcasts, if you are missing that community you’re missing that community no more. You have found it in the Think Tank of Three podcast.
JH: That is why we are here. That is why we are all so passionate about this to make sure women feel connected and feel loved and valued, just as you are.
AF: So one thing we started off with when we first started this podcast, way back in the beginning. And also, I always recommend people start listening to episode two. Never start with one. I refused to listen to it again. But we learned, we were learning.
I think we had this goal at the beginning about creating change. We had this goal about how we wanted to give back and a lot of the goal was about us. But I think at this point we’ve really shifted and less of the podcast is about us. Although part of it is us processing and learning. Jules, what would you say the change you’d like to see is with your efforts from Think Tank?
JH: You know, I’m glad you mentioned that what we want can change because I think what I want out of this will continue to change. For me where I am right now, I want every woman who comes to this podcast, and not just every woman, but every man. We have a lot of men who listen too and it’s very important that even though we often speak directly to women. Men, we know you’re out there. We know you’re listening. We love that you’re a part of this community. We love that we have you as allies to help us make changes. But I’m going to speak for a moment just to the women.
I really want women to feel a place where they are welcome, just as they are. And I feel that that change that we want to see in our world, it all starts at home. It all starts with how we act in our own homes, how we act to our neighbors, how that expands out into our communities. I really hope that as we talk about things like imposter syndrome and setting healthy boundaries and making midlife career changes. I really hope that change starts to have this ripple effect in our communities and in the people that we’re reaching Maybe it’s still the little Julian me that was this advocate for change and this little feminist in the making, but I really do believe that we can be the change that we want to see. And it all starts with us at home.
RC: I think that’s so well said. And I agree with that wholeheartedly, I also feel it’s that place to maybe develop that confidence that you might be struggling to find no matter what circumstances that you came from. Even if you came from a solid support system or you didn’t as Julie mentioned, or you know whatever your background…Every interaction, we’ve had with every human in our lives has had some type of effect on us. But the thing is, what type of effect did it have and how did it impact us and how we move forward.
And so I would love to just make certain like you said, Julie, that this safe space for women to come to as they are and be who they are, but at the same time feel like they can peel away their own piece that might be holding them back and no longer fear what that might look like. Start the outline, if you will, for themselves that, “if I were going to make that change, what would that look like? how would I do it?” And the hope is that something within this podcast presents that worksheet for them to just start figuring out what that next step will look like. Because I know that that’s what this is going to provide for me and I’m one of the hosts. I’m not there yet. I’m gonna get there. I’m going to be great when I’m all grown up.
AF: You are great now.
RC: I think that that is something that I think is wonderful about this space and the effort and what I want to see come from this is that ability to take that leap and recognize that even though we’re only coming to you through a microphone. And then you can reach this through social media and everything else, you’ve got that support that says, we got your back. Keep going, keep fighting and make it known that you know what, developing that social circle and maybe you don’t necessarily have that social circle. So we’re your social circle.
AF: We’ve talked about this in the past, what does building a tribe looks like, and how do you, how do you do it? Who should be in your tribe? And I think that one of the greatest successes from this podcast for me has been seeing that tribe of women come together in either just the conversations in our private Facebook group or the comments in social media or even the emails we get from strangers or the emails we get from guests. You know, we have guests who come in and say this was so much fun and I learned so much and I love this. And I’ve really taken meaning from this podcast. And every time I hear that I’m like “Aw! Oh! It’s just our little podcast.” But it’s not and that’s great and I love seeing that.
When I look at what I want to see in terms of change it is in a lot of ways, accountability, I want us to be able to hold ourselves accountable. And I want us to hold our community accountable. I want us to stop saying sorry when we’re not sorry right. You guys know this if anyone ever says, Sorry, like we don’t say sorry unless we’ve actually done something wrong and we’re trying to repair. We learned that on episode eight.
AF: I want us to know our self-worth. I want us to hold each other accountable. When I say I’m having a fat, ugly day someone says, it’s fine that you feel that way, but those aren’t the words we use. That’s not how we talk to ourselves. It’s not how we talk to our friends.
I want us to hold ourselves accountable with confidence. I want us to walk in knowing hey I have accomplished some stuff. I am pretty badass and most people look at me from the outside, who don’t know what a hot mess I am on the inside, and they think she’s got it together. So why can’t I walk into a room knowing I’ve got it together? Let’s hold ourselves accountable to worth to self-confidence, to not saying sorry when that’s not what we need to say. The only people I’m probably truly like changing that behavior with are you two because I’m not judging me. But I hope that that’s some of the change we see in this community as women, we hold ourselves accountable to be greater than what the expectations for us are.
JH: And it’s a work in progress. Right. I mean, I think that’s the beauty of all of this is we set the bar pretty damn high for ourselves and for each other. And I think that that’s a good thing. You know, it’s so cliche to say like when we’re done growing like we’re done with life, but it’s so true. I once was having a very heated conversation with someone who was telling me that that they weren’t going to change. I said, you know, I actually feel bad for you that you’re even saying those words because I recognize that as a human, I need to be open to seeing what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong and what needs to change. You know what, like we were going to screw up, we like. Trust me. I’m going to screw up.
AF: We’re gonna say the wrong thing. We’re gonna do the wrong thing. We’re going to make a funny face when we shouldn’t. I might be speaking for myself.
JH: But we work so hard to try to get it right.
RC: And don’t get caught up in perfection. Look, we all know the saying, life is messy. It is and the less you try for this perfection thing, the better off you’re going to be, first of all. Accept the feelings that you have. If something has disappointed you if something didn’t go right, we’re not here saying, okay, you know, be happy about it, let it go. It’s fine. No, you know, when you feel something. Feel it. You know what, you take that day. You be a whole hot red mess of snot and tears and tissues, but don’t stay there.
Don’t stay there because eventually, you’re going to have to throw all that tissue out. You’re going to have to take a shower because you stink. And you need to get on up and say,” okay, I’m going to put one foot in front of the other.” And try again. Or try it a different way. Or try something different or maybe that was your umpteenth time trying something. And that’s finally when you said you know what, I need to let that go and I need to move on over here. So we’re not trying to give a Pollyanna feeling about anything. But we, but at the same time, we just need everyone to recognize that this is the place for all of it.
AF: All of the messy. All of the uncomfortable.
JH: If this sounds like you, you are in the right place. This is what our new season of Think Tank of Three podcast is all about. And we have some incredible guests lined up. We have more with Reischea and Audrea and I, and we just cannot be more excited about this new season and so excited RC to have you join us.
RC: Yeah, thank you. It’s a pleasure, it’s a pleasure to be a part of it. I cannot wait for what we’re all going to accomplish together. So that is it for us today. Thank you for being a part of the Think Tank of Three.
AF: And if you have topics that you’d like us to cover or guests, you’d like to hear from, send us a message at firstname.lastname@example.org. We blog weekly and we would love to amplify your voices.
JH: We’d also love to connect with you on social media. Follow Think Tank of Three on Instagram and Facebook and join our private group on Facebook. That’s where we engage with our guests and our entire Think Tank community.
RC: And if you liked what you heard in this podcast share it. Subscribe to Think Tank of Three wherever you listen to podcasts and connect with us online. At Think Tank of three.com.