Life can get pretty comfy when you’re living in that safe space inside the box.
Until the box breaks wide open—
Crushed. Stomped. Smashed!
All those plans you had? Yeah, they’re gone.
And now it’s up to you:
Is it game over?
Or game on?!
In this episode, the Think Tank of Three talk with Alexis Neumann of mConnexions about navigating life outside of your comfort zone.
Welcome to the show. I’m Julie Holton, with Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris and Audrea Fink. We are your Think Tank of Three. And I think it’s safe to say, ladies, we have all been kicked out of that box, our comfort zone, at some point in our lives.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
Let us all remember. I have said time and time again, broadcasting left me. I did not leave broadcasting and it has been a very slow slog in finding my way, trying to figure out: One, what do I wanna do? Two, what am I qualified to do? Three, how do I get to where it is I’m trying to go to? So it’s all very trying. So it can in fact be a very long road to figuring out what comes next.
Audrea Fink :
And even when it looks like someone has it all together, chances are they don’t and they’re probably still figuring it out. I know on a regular basis, people tell us, oh, you three – the Think Tank of Three – you’ve got your stuff together. And it’s like, no, we don’t. We’re just really good at editing. And we’re really good at putting forth a branded face.
Julie Holton :
What’s that phrase? ‘I Just play one on TV!’ Like, we just play that on the podcast. We’ve got it all together.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
Fake it ’til you make it!
Julie Holton :
Exactly!
Audrea Fink :
I’m so excited to have Alexis as our guest today. I’ve the pleasure of working with Alexis Newmann as a Sales Coach at mConnexions Marketing Agency, which was founded by our very own Julie Holton. And from what I recall, Alexis was actually with MC from its inception, correct?
Julie Holton :
Yes. Alexis was actually one of the very first people to suggest that I launch my own business. I remember likesitting in my old office way back when with her. And she’s like, maybe you should just do this thing on your own. And I’m like, I don’t know. Now she’s a senior strategist and an absolute rockstar, not just for mConnexions, but for everyone who gets the opportunity to work with her. Alexis, welcome to the show!
Alexis Neumann :
Thank you. I am super excited to be here. I love this podcast and I feel so special and so fancy to be a guest on the podcast that I’ve been listening to, all these amazing people, tell their story and share very valuable advice that I have taken. And so I’m just really, really excited to be here. Thanks guys.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
Well, let’s dive right into the heart of what this episode is all about and that’s breaking out of our comfort zones or having them broken for us. Alexis, you very recently experienced this. You were dipping your toe into the idea of either entrepreneurship or full-time contract work. You were making plans, playing it safe and then kabam! What happened?
Alexis Neumann :
Well, I love what you said earlier about broadcasting leaving you and not you leaving broadcasting because that is similar to what happened to me. I had spent all of this time working in what I would consider a very traditional position in marketing and for a very traditional company. And it felt very comfortable. It felt very safe and very expected. There were no surprises. I knew what every day was gonna look like. I knew what my paycheck was gonna look like. I knew what PTO I had in the bank and everything was just sort of there, you know, every day was kind of the same and it felt very safe. And then out of the blue changes were made. And I ended up in a situation where I had to make a decision of, was I going to stick with the traditional and stick with the safe, or was I going to try to make it another way and go after some dreams that I had been hoping to go after for a really long time and just had never quite had the courage to take that.
What felt to me like a really risky step. And so some of those decisions were taken out of my — were a little bit out of my control and they were made for me. And then I ended up where I am now, which I’m thrilled to say is a much, much better place. And really when I think back to where I was six months ago, wondering what sort of decisions I was going to be making. And if I was brave enough to take this risk and make this step, if it was actually gonna work, I couldn’t have imagined how well it has gone. So I feel pretty fortunate.
Julie Holton :
Isn’t it so interesting, Alexis, that we tend to think when we have full-time employment somewhere, maybe working for a large company, and we have that study paycheck, that salary that, you know, that consistency that you just described, we think that’s the safe option. We think that we’re secure, we we’re in our comfort zone. We’re in that box like we described earlier. And in reality, we don’t actually know what’s going on inside a company. And we don’t actually know the inner workings because it’s not ours — and it’s not our place to know all of that. And so we tend to, in general, think of entrepreneurship as this really scary thing that suddenly we control our own destiny and we have to find clients and we have to do all this work. And in reality, we GET to do that work. We get to control our reality. We, we have this opportunity to know exactly what’s coming in the door and what’s going out. And, and so I think sometimes we, we have this facade that working for someone else is the safe choice. When in actuality it isn’t always that.
So, you’re a meticulous planner. What’s your advice for other women when plans kind of explode on you?
Alexis Neumann :
So, panic is probably not the right answer. <Laugh> But, I will say I’m gonna add it to my answer because I think there’s an element of letting yourself feel the fear and thinking, oh my gosh, this really scary thing just happened. Okay. So we felt the fear and now we’re gonna get past that. So obviously inevitably, even for someone who is as careful of a planner and as much of a control freak as I am, there are going to be times where you make a plan plan, doesn’t work in a big way or a small way. And I think it’s really important to work out ahead of time to kind of have that anticipation in your head to know that I’m making a plan, I’m doing everything I can do to make this work, but if it doesn’t, what am I gonna do? And what kind of safety net am I building for myself, whether it’s a literal safety net or just a mental one.
For me, Julie, I think of our wonderful mConnexions client and friend Joyce Marter. One of the things that she talks about all the time is cultivating a support network. And I just love that. And I think for me, that’s the biggest component to surviving and upset of plans. I know when I unexpectedly left my job and that was not something that I had anticipated doing on a Wednesday at 11 o’clock in the morning. When that happened, I immediately within seconds called my husband my best friend and Julie actually not in that order. Julie was actually the first phone call that I made. And then I called my husband. And you know, those three people kept me calm. They kept me focused. They prevented me from freaking out and you really need people around you who can support you and who are steady when there’s a crisis, because there will inevitably be a crisis or a plan that doesn’t work.
The other thing that I would say is a little bit more actionable is to have a plan B. We all have our preferred plan of this is what I want to happen. And this is what I hope is gonna happen. But having a plan B can sort of alleviate some of that stress of what if this doesn’t work. You know, Cheryl Sandberg a big name with Facebook, her husband died very unexpectedly a few years ago, and she had this really amazing story that she told about plan B, where there was an event for one of her children was supposed to be a father child event. And her husband had obviously passed away. And one of her friends had suggested that she get a standin figure. And she said that’s not what I wanted. That’s not the same as having my husband there. This was not my plan. And her friend said to her option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B. And that resonated with me so much because sometimes option A just isn’t there and plan A just isn’t gonna work. So having a fail safe and something that, you know, okay, if this doesn’t work, we’re gonna try something else and it’s gonna be fine. I think can be a big stress reliever for people who are type a personalities like myself.
Audrea Fink :
We talk a lot at mConnexions about building the airplane while it’s flying. We actually talk a lot about that. I think in most businesses, it’s a very common theme of business. And it seems like, especially with women, we talk about it because we’re always diving in to help. Even maybe before we feel ready, we’re just kind of jumping in and reaching out our hands. And it sounds like that’s what you’re doing right now for your own career. You’re building your brand while helping others build brand. Tell us a little bit about that process of adjusting and, you know, kicking the shit out of plan B while also focusing on the work that you have in front of you.
Alexis Neumann:
Yeah. It is the word you use process. It’s such a process. It’s not, there’s no end in sight, which in some ways can be kind of reassuring to know that this is just a journey and I’m, although I have goals that I’m trying to reach, the growth is constant. I think the biggest way that I try to do that now, lately in this new space is giving myself room to experiment, trying new things, saying yes to everything within reason. And really having conversations with myself and my network, the people around me personally and professionally to try to decide, okay, what kind of, what kind of professional do I wanna be? What kind of entrepreneur do I wanna be? And that’s, that’s how I like to think of the journey for myself. And then also for clients, it’s that same path of having conversations and determining, you know, what is the heart and soul of your business? What’s the heart and soul of your services. How can you make smart strategic decisions? And it’s so important to have that clear and honest perspective. People who will give you feedback, and you really can’t build a brand in a vacuum, whether that’s building your own brand or helping someone else build theirs, you need that outside perspective. And the, the freedom to try new things, which is what I feel like I’m doing every day now. And it’s, it’s actually, it’s a lot more fun and a little bit less stressful than I thought it was going to be.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
You know, branding. I am learning can be very hard. I’ve been working on my own branding for my voiceover company and it seems so easy to wheel it out for other individuals. And then when you turn the focus onto yourself, it all of a sudden becomes this daunting task. I feel like it’s a daunting task. So give us — we’re gonna hit this at two parts — So part one, give us one secret to getting it right.
Alexis Neumann :
Okay. A secret to getting your brand, right. So I like to think of myself as a writer, in addition to many other hats. And I think any writer will tell you that when you’re in the middle of writing a story for any, any platform, any outlet, it can be easy to think that you know where that story’s gonna go. So I’m gonna sit down and I’m gonna tell the story, and it’s gonna go from here, here to here. And that’s great. But a lot of times you start writing it and the story kind of takes itself someplace else. It wants to do something else. And I think when we fight against where the story is going, that’s where we run into trouble. So the secret to me for getting your brand right, and this is gonna be a word Julie hears me use all the time is being authentic.
You have to be true to you. You can try and fight the truth of your brand and of your voice and of your story, but it’s never gonna be as good as if you just lean into who you are and what you’re good at and what your, what your real goal and your real dreams are not what you think they should be or what other people tell you they should be. But what you know, they should be. So if you’re true to yourself and your story and your experiences and your skills, your services, that’s where you’re gonna get it right.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
You know, we only use that word authentic around here. We’ve only used it. I don’t know, a couple thousand times <laugh>, it’s not a big word here at all. What is one big mistake we should avoid?
Alexis Neumann :
So I would say avoid trying to do everything, your brand, whether it’s a personal brand or a business brand, it should be specific. It should be fine tuned. It should be strategic. If you’re trying to be and do everything, you’re not gonna be great at anything because you’re gonna spread yourself too thin and people are gonna see right through that. So I think, you know, a mistake that people can make is just saying, saying yes to everything and trying to encompass everything under this huge umbrella, but don’t be afraid to say, this is not part of my brand. This is not true to me. I’m okay, leaving this aside and someone else can do that. And I’m gonna focus on this because it’s, what’s right for me.
Julie Holton :
I have to pause because it’s almost surreal for me to take in this moment with Alexis. I still remember sitting back in my old office before launching mConnexions. We were working at this law firm. Alexis had started out as an intern who had just graduated from Michigan State University. And, of course within her own right, grew through the ranks, became a full-time employee. And I just remember Alexis sitting there and having you tell me that I should launch my own thing and I should become a consultant. I think we were working on a project at the time for the Alzheimer’s Association, because I sat on the board and we were doing some work together, freelance work for this association. And we were just like dreaming about what it might look like if we got to pick and choose the work that we did and the projects and the clients, because we loved the work we were doing at the law firm, but it was obviously very different than what we were doing for the Alzheimer’s Association.
And it’s like, in this moment right now, I’m like, oh my gosh, like we’re here. <Laugh> we, we made it like, we got to this point that we were dreaming about and planning and talking through. And I just have to wonder, what’s the next dream, Alexis, where will you be in five years, in 10 years? And what do you need most in order to get there?
Alexis Neumann :
So, first of all, I remember that specific day that you’re talking about very clearly it was a topic that came up frequently when we would work on design projects together and, you know, have that amazing collaboration and think, gosh, wouldn’t it be so fun to do this all the time. And now we do. And it’s, it’s fantastic. I think as far as where I hope to be your dream to be in the next five to 10 years, the thing that really comes to mind for me is balanced. I really hope to spend this time creating a life that is balanced, where I’m doing work, that I love, and that is creative. And has that collaboration working with clients that I love working on a team that I love while also being able to pick my son up from school and attend all of his activities and spending quality time with my husband, my friends, my family, while also having time for me and to do things that I like to do that fill me up.
I hope to be making a difference for people that need it working with clients that I want to work with Julie, you, and I say that all the time, you know, one of the, the beautiful things about being an entrepreneur and, and kind of setting your own, your own goals and your business is getting to pick and choose the people that you work with and doing good work for good people. And honestly, in five to 10 years, I hope to, to still be doing that, I know something else you asked was, what do I need to get there? A giant glass of wine is probably not the answer, but I’ll be honest. It’s on the list. <Laugh>
Julie Holton :
I’ll send you a few bottles because I don’t know if, if you all caught that, but Alexis is on a record saying she still wants to be doing this in five to 10 years. So she’s not going anywhere. Send her all the wine she wants.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
And Audrea was like, right on board with you with wine. She was like, wait, where’s my glass?
Audrea Fink :
Wine here. I’m there’s wine. I’m here for the wine.
Alexis Neumann :
I think the real answer. I mean, that was a real answer, but I think another answer would be you need the people to support you. And I hope again, that, that I continue to have the support network that I have. And I’ve been so lucky to have and to work on the team with the team that, that we have right now. I think that I’ve seen that over the last five years, you know, working well and, and even earlier working with Julie and working on the mConnexions team, I’ve seen how that has made changes for me personally and professionally and where it’s pushed me and where I’ve gotten so far. And I think if I, as long as I have that, I’m not concerned about reaching these goals and achieving these dreams in the next five to 10 years,
Audrea Fink :
You’ve put in a ton of really hard work to get here. Let’s not sugar coat that, I know that last winter you were getting to the point where you were working full time and part-time on contract work. You’re being a wife and a mom and a human and a friend. And it was a lot. Did you ever consider giving up and, and how did you keep the, the momentum going to keep going?
Alexis Neumann :
I’m still traumatized even hearing the words last winter. I, that was hard. It was definitely the hardest. I think those four months were definitely like the hardest months that I’ve faced, because it felt it was one of those situations where it feels like it’s coming from all sides. It’s hard at home. It’s hard at work. It’s hard just inside personally. And postpartum is no joke returning to the workforce in the like kind of midpoint of the pandemic at the time balancing, it felt like the needs of every person on the planet, clients, you know, coworkers, my husband, my baby, me friends, parents. It was just a lot. And I think I pushed through just because I, it felt like if I didn’t, I didn’t know what else. I didn’t have anything else I wanted to do. I didn’t know where I was going to land, but I knew I had the support system to get me through it.
So I felt like if I can just push through this, it’s not going to be this hard forever. If we can just get past this and I can get a little bit of perspective and I can get a little bit of clarity on what is happening and what is, what exactly is so hard right now, then it would get easier. And I would maybe be able to make decisions or have some decisions made for me in the end. But it was a lot of hard conversations. It was a lot of hard conversations with my husband. It was a lot of hard conversations with myself trying to figure out what can I say no to who do I have to ask for support? What kind of, what does that support even look like? There were times when I, I needed something and it was hard to figure out how do I verbalize what that is? Like if I don’t know what that is, how do the people around me figure out the best ways to help me?
Julie Holton :
That is such a great point. I know we regularly at my house have those conversations where, where help is offered. And I don’t even know what I need. You know, I don’t. Audrea’s nodding her head right now. And I know Alexis, you too, because all three of you, I have these conversations with you on, I know I need help, but I don’t even know what that looks like. Even being able to articulate that and have those internal conversations to figure out what we need is so core.
Alexis Neumann :
Yeah. It’s really challenging. And I think it, it was a lot of time, of course, those first few months when I was on maternity leave, I had a lot of time to think about things and, you know, think about what I needed. And it does take a lot of internal reflection and trying to ask yourself really identifying what the emotions are that you’re feeling. Because if you can’t do that, if you can’t put a name to them, then it’s hard to translate those emotions from negative to positive. So if I’m feeling this and it doesn’t feel good, what do I want to be feeling instead? And what other people around me need to do, or what do I need to do to get to that point? But it is, it was really, it was really challenging. And I think there’s always some element of that process that is hard. And, you know, I know for me, essentially what I did in the start of 2021 when I had my son was I just added more, just put more on the plate and we really weren’t taking anything off the plate at that point. So it was that it was that idea of, okay, does, are there things that can come off the plate or does everything, is everything gonna stay on the plate? And we just need to figure out how, who else is gonna help me carry it? Cuz it’s getting kind of heavy.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
You were saying not having the vocabulary. And, and Julie was, was expounding on that, about not having the vocabulary of ‘what it is I need, what is it I’m trying to get to what it is I’m trying to do’. And I’m hearing what you’re saying with regards to, ‘we just kept adding on’ and ‘I’m feeling this I needed to get here. I’m I’m walking.’ Where, where was that moment where you finally just, I’m assuming have to say ‘STOP. I can’t no more in order to make your way through’. Cause you had to get to that point and I’m hearing the beginning in the back end. Wondering how did you, what’s the piece in the middle that finally, were you able to find some clarity for lack of a better term?
Alexis Neumann :
So there were a couple of things, there were a couple of parts to that process. The first was, it sounds counterintuitive, but adding in time for me, because what had happened at that point was that the plate was so full of other things of work and freelance and you know, husband and baby and family and friends that there was no I wasn’t on the plate anymore. And that was really difficult because it felt like I was constantly running on empty. So as, as counterintuitive as it sounds to add something back in, that was a good thing to add back in a healthy thing to add back in, because even carving out an hour or a half hour or a couple of hours, you know, once a week to give to me where no one else was asking me for anything, I wasn’t supporting anybody else.
I wasn’t responsible for anyone else that gave me enough gas in my tank and enough of a boost to kind of then get through to the next period of time where I could take that time for myself and get there. And then the other thing I’ll say is truthfully, I didn’t do anything. I didn’t make a decision. Julie knows this too. I was sort of stuck in, I want to do something different, but I’m afraid I want to do something different, but I’m not ready. I want to do something different, but it’s really risky. And I’m grateful, truly grateful that that decision was essentially made for me. That just said, you’re doing this now. We’re done with this. You, you know, whether, whatever it was, Julie and I joked that, you know, the universe has been hearing us talk for years and finally got sick of it and was like, all right here, you’re welcome.
And that’s kind of what it felt like in hindsight, you know, I wish that I had made that decision sooner because I, it really was like a switch flipped the next day with like, I feel like I, I just feel like I lost a hundred pounds. I feel like I just sat down all of these weights and I feel so much lighter and happier. And boy, I just wish I had done this sooner, but I mean, it’s like skydiving, like jumping out of the airplane once you do it, you’re like, this is awesome. But that initial, like just getting out the door is really scary and it’s easy. I don’t have any regrets because I think it’s easy now that I’ve seen how it worked out to look back and say, oh, I wish I had done this sooner. But at the time, I didn’t know if it was gonna work. I’m very lucky that it did. And then I had the support system around me, you know, to help me get through it and to get to this point. But, but yeah, I think it, it really was a decision. I’m lucky that the universe had been listening to me for so long and, and got tired of hearing my whiny voice and just helped me kind of make that, make that decision and make that change.
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
I think that is what truly happened because you said, right, right. When you said I needed time for me, I needed to put me back on the plate. And then the decision was literally taken outta your hands. I think that was you and universe coming together. And universe said, this has to come off your plate for you to have the time you need.
Alexis Neumann :
Yep. Yep. I totally agree. And it was a gift. It didn’t feel like it in those first couple of minutes, but it truly, truly was.
Julie Holton :
And of course, leave it to the writer to take that airplane analogy and go from like building the plane while it’s flying to now jumping out the plane. And I’m so glad you did. So like just one last question. Clearly you are happy with the universe’s decisionwork in progress. I know, but what’s your advice for other women who are maybe on the fence and trying to figure out, cause the leap is not right for everyone. And we know that we recognize that. And so we’re not telling everyone to jump out of the airplane. What’s your advice for other women who are trying to figure out what is right for them?
Alexis Neumann :
I think it’s to, I keep going back to that support network. I keep going back to that support system is have people around you who are willing to have hard conversations with you because you need that collaboration to figure out what the balance is. That looks that’s right for you. Whether that’s jumping out of the airplane or building the airplane on the ground or building it in the air, or just looking at an airplane from a distance, whatever, whatever scale it is that you’re ready for. You need people around you who are going to support you. And they’re the ones that are gonna be there for you, regardless of what decision you make. And they’re the ones that are gonna support you while you’re struggling through that process, because it is a struggle. And I think too, it’s important not to mistake that struggle for mistake just because it’s hard.
And just because it’s difficult and it feels challenging and it feels scary, does not mean that you’re making the wrong decision. It doesn’t mean that you’re going down the wrong path. I think it can sort of feel that way. It can feel like, well, there’s a roadblock here. So I must, there’s a roadblock here for a reason. I’m just not gonna go there, but that’s not always the case. And having people around you that can talk through that with you. And that can be open, open and honest with you about what it is that you are hoping to do and how they can help you achieve it, whether you can achieve it on your own or what other tools are out there for you. I think that’s, that’s what I would say is just know that just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not going to be worth it because it really can be.
Julie Holton :
And you have earned every bit of your success. Alexis. I’m so thankful that you are on the show today, sharing your story. Before we go, though, we collect advice on the pod from our guests. So we have three rapid fire questions for you. If you are ready,
Alexis Neumann :
I’m ready.
Julie Holton :
Is there a lesson that you’ve recently learned that you wished you would’ve learned earlier in your career?
Alexis Neumann :
Yes. Not to take things so personally I think as a creative, it’s easy to take things personally because it feels like everything you do and you create is part of you, but it’s really not about you. It’s really just about the work it’s about the clients. It’s about the people that you’re working with. And for, and at this point it’s been very freeing to just know that if the client is happy, that was the whole goal. That’s the end goal. If they’re successful, that’s the goal and my personal feelings about it don’t really need to come into play. So yeah, not to take things so personally, and to, to give myself a little bit of freedom there,
Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
What one piece of advice would you offer to any woman?
Alexis Neumann :
Surround yourself with people who build you up, who encourage you and, and again, who are, aren’t afraid to tell you those hard truths with compassion and with kindness and who do it in a way that, that are supportive of you and is constructive and people whom you feel comfortable asking for help
Audrea Fink :
In today’s professional setting, what’s the most important skill for women?
Alexis Neumann :
I would say adaptability. I think we are in such a state of constant change. It feels like over these last few years, the last two years, especially professionally, the workplace has made so many shifts and changes. And if we can adapt and show versatility, then that’s how we’re gonna find ourselves ahead.
Julie Holton:
Alexis, where can our listeners connect with you online? How can they get in touch with you?
Alexis Neumann :
First would be on LinkedIn, Alexis Neumann. Second would be on Instagram @AlexisCarol.
Julie Holton :
Thank you again for being here today. It’s so much fun to have you on the show.
Alexis Neumann :
This has been a blast, and I know we just finished this recording, but now I just wanna turn around and do another one. This was really fun. Thank you guys for having me
Julie Holton :
And that is all for this episode of Think Tank of Three.
Audrea Fink :
If you have topics you’d like us to cover or guests, you’d like to hear from send us a message at think tank of three, gmail.com, subscribe to the think tank of three, wherever you listen to podcasts and connect with us online. We blog weekly@thinktankofthree.com.
Julie Holton :
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Reischea Canidate-Kapasouris :
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